we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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