you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why do cheetos always look like penises
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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