that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
