no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
