You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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