kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
