oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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