he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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