Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
