??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
