My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
