Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
