Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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