dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
