There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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