Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
