that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
