just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
