you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize