I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
