I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
