Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
