So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
