I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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