as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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