I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
