Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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