Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
