well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
