My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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