just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
