the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
