Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
