Having a random hookup so left but love u
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
