did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
