nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
