apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
