I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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