Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
