I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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