talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
