So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
