I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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