i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
