I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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