I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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