In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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