I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
