I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
