i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
