Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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