You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
