The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
