i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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