This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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