Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
