i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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