ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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